A primer by Bryan Root.

As a boy of eleven I spent several months with my folks in the ranch country outside of Carmel California. It was at the annual cattle round-up -- a big working picnic -- that I had one of my most formative culinary experiences. Beside the smouldering pit, amidst the satisfied grunts of hungry cowboys, I was firmly set on the path to perfect barbeque. It is not a path for the faint or weak of heart. If you’re concerned about your cholesterol you need not go any further.

From here on I’ll talk about beef, but the same recipe and philosophy applies to pork , lamb and chicken -- with some important exceptions .

The Steak

You want to select a steak that is pink or red in color with the texture of granite rock - with small flecks of fat throughout.. Avoid green meat. A carefully selected chuck steak can rival in texture and surpass in taste the more snooty New York or Tenderloin steaks -- and you can buy a chuck steak as big as your head for about three dollars! Buy a steak that’s between 3/4" and 1" inch in thickness.

The Marinade.

For every pound of meat figure 1/2 cup of marinade. If you’re grilling vegetables make more.

1 part olive oil
1 part balsamic vinegar
1 part teriyaki sauce
1/2 part crushed fresh garlic
1/4 part fresh rosemary.

Stir this up and pour it over (and under) your steak and vegetables. Go start the fire.

Myth: The longer you marinade a steak the better it gets.
Fact: Over-marinading can turn a great piece of meat into a hard grey puck. About 1/2 hour marinading time per inch thickness of your steak is good.

The Grill

There’s all kinds of grills on the market - from your multi-tiered plate steel propane smoker/grill with built-in trailer hitch, to the ten dollar "re-usable" tin hibachi. I like the Weber Portable Grill (about $30) because it’s sturdy, it has an airtight lid and it’s small enough that I don’t need to use a whole bag of charcoal to fill it.

The Starter

Don’t use bottled charcoal starter . Buy a chemical-free canister starter - do it for your steaks -- if not the planet. Make sure the wind isn’t going to blow sparks into your dry sagebrush, and go inside. Open some red wine , start the rice or potatoes, set the table etc. If your wife/lover/friend/podner is handling that -- smoke a Marlboro, drink a beer -- just make sure they aren’t pulling any saffron raisin crap on the rice.

The Starch.

Keep It simple . A flashy rice dish won’t compliment your steak, it will confuse it -- and you’ll want to eat your napkin for some relief. I suggest white rice, fresh sweet corn, or potatoes with sour cream -- butter, salt, and pepper. Period. End of discussion.

The Vegetable.

Unlike your starch, your vegetable can afford to have some balls. Mexican barbeque onions , Eggplant , Red, Green or Chili Peppers, and Zucchini can go on the grill right next to your steak. Steamed beet greens or red Swiss chard take well to butter and have a distinctive taste that will make you stop and go "Praise Jesus! Ah’ think’ Ah’ve Died and Gone to Heaven!".

Cooking

Timing is important. From the moment you start the coals, you’ve got about forty five minutes until the steaks are done. When the coals are red hot throughout, dump them into the grill and spread them out. While the fire burns the germs off the grate -- go inside and start the greens, or test the water for the corn. Take a pair of tongs, a basting brush, your vegetables, your marinade, your steaks, a clean plate and your alcoholic beverage out to the fire.

The Fire

There’s a fine line between burning. and overcooking. Find it.

If you’ve been cooking anything else, take the lid off and stoke up a good hot fire. Your steak should make a big searing noise when you put it on -- like pouring out a bucket of nails in the bed of a pickup. Baste the steak liberally but flip it as seldom as possible. The reason for this is again a matter of searing the meat. Some folks think they’re keeping a steak tender and juicy by not burning it. They’re wrong. Big yellow flames are good for a steak. The fat should sizzle and burn. For a one inch thick steak -- five to seven minutes per side will give you medium rare. if you’re not sure -- cut into the thickest part of the steak and check for done-ness.

The Meal

The most important factor, which we’ve already discussed, is timing. As a steak cools the fat will harden and the whole kit and caboodle will lose it’s charm very fast . If someone screws up -- say, the rice isn’t ready on time -- you can put the steaks in the oven to keep them warm -- but that’s considered bad form in cowboy country. Apart from that, avoid paper plates, use sharp steak knives and don’t be afraid to use your fingers

1.Pork.

With regard to selecting, preparing and eating, the only difference between pork and beef is cooking time. DON’T EAT RARE PORK.
Pork is tricky because there’s just a narrow margin between cooking it enough and over cooking it. Before serving it, cut into the thickest part of the steak and see that there’s no pink. back

2. Lamb.

Lamb and beef are very similar with regard to selecting, preparing and eating. Personally, I like my lamb to be medium where I like my steak medium rare. You decide. back


3.Chicken.

With regard to selecting your meat, buy chicken that looks fresh. Rinse the chicken off in the sink. Trim the big chunks of fat. Marinade it the same way you’d marinade beef -- 1/2 hr per inch of thickness. You can marinade it longer if you like.

Start the chicken close to the fire -- searing the meat on both sides. Once the meat is seared, you can put the lid on the grill and cook the meat slower. Chicken is tricky the same way pork is --there’s just a narrow margin between cooking it enough and over-cooking it. back

4.TRICHINOSIS/SALMONELLA WARNING:

Remember -- If you’re smart about germs when you prepare your meats -- you won’t have to think about anything but eating later. Get it right.

Because a rare steak or a barbequed pepper may not get hot enough to kill the trichina and salmonella germs -- DON’T USE THE CHICKEN OR PORK MARINADE TO BASTE OR MARINADE ANYTHING BUT PORK AND CHICKEN. Make sure you flip any meat and COOK IT WITHOUT BASTING for at least THIRTY SECONDS on EACH SIDE BEFORE SERVING. Throw out the left-over chicken and pork marinade when you’re done. PUT THE COOKED MEAT ON A CLEAN PLATE.

These are rules to live by. back

5.Fat.

THE FAT IS THE KEY. As the steak cooks, the fat will melt and - where it’s evenly marbled - it becomes tender and juicy and absorbs the flavor of the fire. Unless it’s very excessive DO NOT TRIM THE STEAK - solid fat will melt and fuel a smoky fire with big yellow flames - which is what you want under a steak. Your guests can trim off excess fat later if they like. back

6.Chuck steak.

If it’s a FIRST DATE, or an important BUSINESS MEAL, you may elect for a more expensive cut of meat -- not because it’ll taste better, but because a chuck steak’s inevitable bone chewing and gristle ripping will eventually turn any meat-lover into a grease-spattered hillbilly - which may or may not help you achieve your goal. You decide. back

7.Thickness.

If your steak is too thin it will get overdone and become hard and dry. If it’s too thick it will be too much work for your molars. A tasty and very affordable exception is A LONDON BROIL -- which can be cooked according to the above. It just requires longer marinading and longer cooking. After cooking, prior to serving, use a large sharp knife to cut it into 1/2" diagonal slices -- cutting with the grain of the meat.

If you’re cooking a steak that’s fatter than one inch -- after you’ve seared the outside, put the lid on the grill and let it smoke. This will help to cook a thicker steak throughout without overcooking the outside. back

8.Teriyaki Sauce

Also called Teriyaki "Sauce and Marinade" comes in a bottle just like Soy sauce and is only slightly more viscous. Don’t buy a any of the cheap syrupy versions that are lurking near it. Teriyaki Sauce -- get it right. If you’re too lazy to go to the store, you can also use soy sauce -- just mix about a teaspoon of sugar into it. back

9.Fresh Rosemary.

The cowpokes of Northern California use long branches of fresh Rosemary in place of a basting brush. It grows rampant in gardens and hedges all over LA. Ask around if you don’t have a bush yourself. The fresh stuff is worth having. back

10.Over-marinading.

Marinading is actually the first phase of the cooking process. If you are using an acidic marinade - anything with vinegar or lemon juice - the acid in the marinade actually cooks the meat. So if you over-marinade you essentially overcook your meat. back

11.Air tight lid.

A lid with closable vents enables you smoke things. When you’re cooking vegetables or a thick steak, you can put the lid on to create a more oven-like heat - for cooking without burning. The airtight lid also allows you to "turn off the fire" when you’re done, (cut off the oxygen) and re-use the half burned briquettes later. If you do any amount of barbequing you’ll start to appreciate the savings. back

12.Bottled starter.

Sure, the petroleum distillates burn off -- but would you use them in your kitchen? And where do they burn off to? If you have a large grill* you may opt to use liquid for convenience, but don’t piss in my ear when the Good Lord passes judgement on you for it.

*In the case of a LARGE GRILL, you can start the coals in the canister, then once they’re hot, dump them into your grill and put additional coals on top - it’ll take another fifteen to twenty minutes for the new ones to catch. OR you can just BUY TWO CANISTERS. back

13.Chemical-free starter.

Jon’s Market - South of Hollywood Blvd on Vermont - (and most other good grocery stores) sells canister-style charcoal starters for about $10.

Wad up enough newspaper to loosely pack the canister’s lower section. Pour enough briquettes into the can to bring the coals to within 2" of your grill. (You may want to pour them into the grill first to get an idea.) If you’re re-using half burned briquettes (link to "airtight lid") -- put them on top of the new ones because they’ll fall through the grating. Put the canister starter on a non-flammable surface and light it.

In the case of a LARGE GRILL, you can start the coals in the canister, then once they’re hot, dump them into your grill and put additional coals on top - it’ll take another fifteen to twenty minutes for the new ones to catch. Or you can just buy two canisters.back

14.Red wine.

I recommend a good dry red wine, because it’s got balls and it’ll stand up to a steak. White wine or beer will work in a pinch. If you’re a teetotaler, God help you -- try tonic mix. back

15.Keep it simple.

I like a "lemon pilaf with almonds" or a "feta and bean risotto" as much as the next gay, I mean guy -- but keep it away from my barbeque. A perfectly cooked steak has a powerful and complex flavor. Your starch dish should be a quiet breather between loud bites of mouth-watering meat. back

16.Mexican Barbecue Onions.

These can be found seasonally at Jon’s (cheapest vegetables in Hollywood) South of Hollywood Blvd on Vermont. They look like fat chives with bulbs on the end. Throw them on the barbeque at the same time as the steak. The leaves will cook faster than the bulbs, so drape the leaves over the steak to keep them from overcooking. back

17 Eggplant.

Eggplant is uncanny in it’s ability to absorb flavor. Marinaded, grilled eggplant, while not the prettiest side dish in the world, is definitely one of the tastiest.

Cut them length-wise into long wedges, with about an inch and a half of skin on the outside. Eggplant takes about twenty minutes to cook, where your one inch steak takes about ten -- so put the eggplant on first. When the eggplant starts to get translucent -- that’s when the steak should go on. Baste eggplant once or twice with marinade while it cooks. Put it skin side down and let it burn. Don’t turn it. The skin will hold the insides together and keep it from falling through the grate. When it’s cooked you can scoop out the good stuff and throw the skins to the hogs. You can also put the lid on the grill -- with top and bottom vents open -- to slow down the fire and get a more oven-like heat -- but make sure you don’t kill the fire before you put the steaks on. back

18.On the grill.

Just make sure you cut your vegetables big enough so that they don’t fall through the grate. Slather the same Marinade on everything -- but again, make sure you cook them long enough without basting to kill any meat-germs that may have survived in the marinade. back

19.Timing.

There’s forty five minutes -- prior to that blessed moment when everything comes together on plates piping hot -- in which you’ve got to cook and prepare the rest of the meal. If you live on the second floor, expect to do some running between the fire and the stove. When the grate stops smoking, announce that you are "about to put the steaks on" -- that in seven to twelve minutes (time varies for other meats) everyone must be ready to hunker down and eat. If someone is talking on the phone or rolling a joint, don’t let them brush you off. This is very serious. There can be no dilly dallying when the steak comes off the grill. When the steak is done, YOU HAVE TO EAT IT HOT. back

20.Hot fire.

People have some pretty screwed up ideas about fire. I’ve seen people putting aluminum foil over the grate so their meat won’t burn. WHY MAKE A FIRE if you don’t want to burn something? Maybe you like un-charred barbeque... maybe you like steamed french fries? Variety is the spice of life, but don’t come to my house for dinner. If you don’t like things black, I’m sorry to have wasted your time. There’s probably still time to find something in your BROCCOLI FOREST COOKBOOK. back

21.Searing.

COOK IT HOT -- COOK IT FAST. Your fire has to be hot enough to sear the steak -- to cauterize it and hold in the flavor and the juice. This can only be achieved at very high heat. If you don’t sear the meat right away, you’ll dry it out. -- and your steak will suffer. back

22.Flipping.

Ideally, you should flip a steak only three times. First one side, then the other, then the FIRST SIDE AGAIN for thirty seconds WITHOUT BASTING -- to burn off all the uncooked marinade (see salmonella warning). back